Loneliness
by InoFan
Summary: Naruto/Iruka interaction. All Naruto has ever wanted was recognition and the respect of a certain individual.


Disclaimer: What, I don't own this? Oh, well, that makes sense. 

Notes: Naruto is my all-time favorite character from this anime. I loved him from the second I saw him. And fics for him are popping up right and left in my head. Must give into the Nar-Nar demon. This is pre-Genin Naruto. __

Fumbling his confidence and wondering   
why the world has passed him by   
Hoping that he's bent for more   
than arguments and failed attempts to fly   
Switchfoot - Meant to Live 

Perilously close to the edge of the cliff where the images of the Hokage's were immortalized in stone, bruised and smudged with dirt, Uzumaki Naruto took in the scenery below without actually seeing it. His expression was unusually solemn and his eyes distant, shading his emotions from view. All he had to do was move his gaze a fraction of an inch and he would see them. The children of Konoha, laughing and playing together, but always excluding him. 

From the time he was old enough to understand hatred, he knew that there was something different about him. Why else would the villagers shun him? He'd been alone for so long, an orphan at the mercy of charity and whatever attention Iruka-sensei was willing to give him. Even in his oldest memories he couldn't recall having done something to deserve such censure. So, alone, he'd cried and pitied himself, while pretending not to care when they could see. 

And one day, crying hadn't been enough for him. Nothing changed because he hurt. He couldn't have what he wanted by wishing he was living another life. So, one night, he'd sat alone in his home and wondered what it was exactly that he did _want_. Respect, recognition, love... He couldn't earn love, but he could get respect and recognition. If he trained hard and became the best shinobi in the village, they would have to notice him. 

After that night, he refused to cry. He smiled through the pain, pretended not to hear them when they said he was a 'bad seed', 'no good', a 'troublemaker'. They still ignored him, so he was louder, messier, and foolish to get their attention. He played pranks and boasted of his feats when he really didn't feel confident in himself. And the day he told them all he would be Hokage, was the best day of his life. 

The couldn't act like he wasn't there that day. Their expressions may have varied from horrified to doubtful, but they were still looking at him. Yet, he couldn't seem to reach the dream. Uchiha Sasuke, every boy's idol and every girl's fantasy always surpassed him. Sasuke of the revered Uchiha clan, number one in his class and so damn smug, was loved by everyone. _He_ passed everything, where Naruto constantly failed. 

What was worse, the girl he liked, Haruno Sakura treated him as everyone else did. She was too enamored with Sasuke to even notice he was alive, except when he annoyed her. What was so special about him? Even Iruka-sensei occasionally scolded his failings and demanded to know why he couldn't apply himself like Sasuke. Why did Sasuke have to be so well liked and he so hated? 

Clenching his fist, he ground his teeth together and fought against the sudden uprising of emotion that gripped him. He wouldn't cry. Sasuke was never going to get the better of him again. That stupid show-off, so cold and full of pride; he would surpass him and become the most renowned person in the village. As Hokage, even Sasuke would have to bow down to him. Everyone that had ever treated him badly would have no choice but to respect him. 

If he could do that, then maybe Sakura would look at him differently. How could she still like Sasuke if he was Hokage and Sasuke was nothing? He could see it perfectly in his imagination. Sakura rejecting Sasuke, telling him he was worthless, and then apologizing to him and asking for his forgiveness for never noticing _he_ was so much more worthwhile than the Uchiha prodigy. 

_Yeah right... who am I kidding? She likes Sasuke because he's good looking, just like every other girl._

Awash with defeat before he'd even begun, Naruto rubbed his sleeve under his nose and forced himself to look at the others below. They couldn't see him up here, and he doubted any of the would think to look. No one wanted him anywhere near them anyway. But he couldn't let that deter him. He had to believe in himself because no one else would. What did it matter what they thought? They couldn't take away his dream. No one could. 

This time he would pass the test, and Iruka-sensei would have to give him a forehead protector. Everyone would have to acknowledge him if he became a shinobi. He could prove them all wrong then, let them know that he wasn't a failure or a useless person. Prove them all liars and fools for ever doubting him. There was nothing he couldn't do. He was training everyday and he could feel that he was stronger. 

Smirking at the unseeing people on the ground he murmured, "I'll make it. I'm stronger now. I'll prove you all wrong..." 

The old man couldn't remain Hokage forever. Eventually, he would have to name his successor and Naruto intended for it to be him. He didn't really know what age someone had to be to become Hokage, but he thought he remembered you had to master a thousand jitsus. It seemed like a lot of work, but he knew he could do it. He would beat Sasuke to it and make him look like the useless one. 

Sometimes, however, just now and again, he wished it could be simple and he could be with them. It wore on him, being lonely. He wanted a best friend, someone to share his thoughts with and laugh with, tease people with. Wasn't there someone who could like him for himself? 

In a fit of temper, he kicked angrily at a rock and watched it stumble over the edge. He was like that rock. Falling and falling, struggling to find his grip amid a world without a soft place to fall. That harsh reality was all to present, a constant reminder they did not _want_ him to rise above the neatly scripted slot they had given him. 

Sighing, he drew a hand across his unruly hair and couldn't help the fondness that softened his features. He loved this village; more than anything. Why couldn't it love him back? 

"Naruto?" 

Stepping to the side and whirling, he slid unconsciously into a defensive stance until he realized it was Iruka-sensei. No doubt, his teacher thought he was up here misbehaving. 

"Iruka-sensei," he greeted, grinning cockily. 

His teacher studied him for a careful moment, the scrutiny leaving him unsettled. It was as if the Chuunin could see things Naruto didn't want anyone seeing. To cover his unease, he hooked his thumbs in the loops of his pants and rocked back on his heels. 

"Why aren't you down there?" He wanted to know. 

A brief spasm of pain, anger, and belligerence filtered through his expression before he viciously stemmed the telltale action and shrugged. "I like it better up here." 

Iruka-sensei sighed. "Naruto, if you would just..." 

He jerked his chin up, interrupting, "If I would just _what_?" 

Seeming to think better of whatever he was going to say, the teacher shook his head. "Why don't you come down?" 

"What for?" He demanded, unable to help but scowl. 

"To..." Iruka-sensei gestured helplessly. 

Suddenly, the pressure was too great to ignore. Naruto felt almost as if he couldn't breathe. He had to know. Did Iruka-sensei think as the rest of them did? 

"Do you believe in me, Iruka-sensei?" 

"W-What?" The teacher fumbled, seeming uncomfortable with the question.   
  
Naruto didn't flinch, as he wanted to. But the pain was a sharp heat in his chest, burning and burning until he thought he would simply burst. 

Waving his hand, he forced a smile. "Hey, hey! Never mind. How about you treat me to some ramen, huh?" 

Hands on hips, he strode past Iruka-sensei as if he was perfectly at ease and confident. It didn't bother him, not if he didn't let it. 

He was surprised into stopping by the gentle pressure of a hand on his shoulder, and, "Naruto. I believe in you. If only you would believe in yourself." 

Refusing to turn, his shoulders hunched in of their own accord as he dropped his head and bit his lip, desperate to keep from crying. His eyes stung with the effort, but he had promised himself. And he didn't want Iruka-sensei to think he was weak. 

Still, quietly, he said, "Thank you..." 

Squeezing just slightly, the teacher fell in next to him. "How about that bowl of ramen?" 

"Two!" Naruto disagreed, throwing up two fingers. 

Iruka groaned. 

Smiling, squeezing his eyes tightly shut against the moisture that threatened to humiliate him, he wiggled out of his teacher's grip and began running. "Come on! I'll race you!" 

"Naruto! This isn't a race!" 

Laughing, he lifted his arms above his head and let his fingers comb through the air. It was all right. Iruka-sensei believed in him. The man he admired above everyone else didn't doubt him, didn't think he should change. He liked him just as he was. 

_You'll see, Iruka-sensei. I'll be Hokage someday, and I'll make you proud._


End file.
